How to get a child to listen - 2 Domination/ Avoid Domination

"Hey, you wanna do the tournament?"

"No? Why not? C'mon!"

"Ok, fine."

Many times, that's the conversation that I hear.  When I speak to a parent (or even an adult who I'm trying to motivate to compete in a tournament) they usually say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to."  Well, I completely get that!  Once a child makes up their mind (or an adult for that matter), it's hard to turn a 'no' into a 'yes.'  The trick is, don't start with a question where 'no' is an option!  If you read the last blog post, I detail the Socratic method and a little about the word No.  Check it out by going to this link: How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method.  So let's think about when your child doesn't want to get ready for school, get in the car so that you can make it to an appointment, brush his or her teeth, or eat their vegetables.  You don't say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to."  You don't, do you??  Well, I know that competing in a tournament or something that is really optional isn't the same as getting them to do something as important as that but I just want you to know that you have the power to get your children to do ANYTHING!  You can be a brute:  "You will do this tournament, no excuses, no other option."  Or you can be a diplomat by using some of the methods I'll give you! 

First of all, children constantly try to dominate or avoid domination.  Wait, not just kids, everyone.  Kids especially.  If you understand that when they say no, they're trying to avoid domination.  When they pick the game, they're trying to dominate.  Most of the time, it's fine - they pick what to play with or what veggie we're eating tonight (Corn, right?).  If you understand that, you can alter your words to reflect it!  Bugs Bunny used to call it Reverse Psychology!  Before you read any further, I want you to go to this YouTube video and I'll prove it to you!  So, you're Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck is your child.  HERE'S THE VIDEO YOU HAVE TO GO TO!

You have to be creative when you come up with your plan.  If you get a no, it'll be hard to turn it around.  My example might not work for your child because you have to use little things that will get them EXCITED!  We're going to plan our conversation around motivating and influencing our child to do something that is important and beneficial to them - even though they don't want to.  This is not intended to be used to manipulate children - so use this for good, not evil!

Start with something basic:
"When you did class last night, your techniques were awesome!  You have two stripes don't you?"
"Yeah, Dad, I got 'em"
"Nice... that's good.  I'm curious, didn't your instructor say that the only way you can go to the tournament is if you had THREE stripes on your belt?"
"I don't know, I don't remember.  I know everything I have to do to get the stripes, I just have to show my instructor."
"Yeah I'm sure you could get your stripe next time you go in.  But going to the tournament is another thing.  You'd have to do your form all by yourself, you don't get your instructor to help you."
"I could totally do my form all by myself, I don't need anybody's help!  I've been practicing my butt off!"
"Oh, so you think that you could go to a tournament and probably beat the other kids?"
"Yeah, I could definitely do that! [Dad smiles]"

You see how the child felt like the parent was going to tell him he wouldn't be able to compete (dominate him) so he had to get defensive and avoid domination?  With that, he said exactly what Dad wanted him to say.  He predicted his child's behavior and knew his interests and motives and planned out the conversation accordingly.  Some kids won't try to avoid domination, they'll just dominate, so you might have to change it around.  You can figure that out, just be creative.  In Dale Carnegie's Book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People," he says about a similar subject, "I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer."

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people. Try the this Domination/ Avoid Domination method for the upcoming tournament!

Healthy Competition :) Part 2

Life is all about choice!  At ATA Elkton, we teach about the Ladder of Success - which is something I heard later in my life, in college.  As we make good decisions, we climb the ladder of success.  For each bad decision we climb down a rung.  The good thing is that we should always learn from our mistakes.  It's kind of like a "one step backward and two steps forward" kind of deal.  When we make a good decision, it's easy to become lazy.  It's also important to learn from our successes so that they keep happening!  A tournament is an amazing way to immerse one's self in a challenge to learn.  From every win and loss, you can learn something to really make you a true champion.  The only trick is that from every win and loss, you can also make a choice to NOT learn anything.  It can go either way.  The purpose of this section is to help you teach your children a powerful lesson after each tournament, based on their age group.

Today we'll go over skills for kids aged 7-10 years old.  Just so you know, those kids are the ages where they actually begin to "compete."  They go for 1st, 2nd, or 3rd, then there is a 4th place trophy.  I call it the competitor award but many schools are giving out the 1-3 and then giving up to 13 kids a "4th place."  It goes along with the ATA's motto, "every kid is a winner."  To prepare for this, here is what I'd suggest:

If a kid gets a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place trophy, talk about how awesome they did and then maybe ask the kid how they can train over the next few weeks to continue to do this good.  We could keep telling them how when they beat those other kids, those kids became more motivated to train harder and come back next time and try and beat YOU!  Right away (like on the drive home), work with your child to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become even better by the next tournament. 

For kids that got the 4th place trophy, those kids need to understand that the 4th place trophy means something important but doesn't mean that they actually won at the tournament.  The fourth place trophy symbolizes the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of ATA kids that are too scared to compete.  The fact that they came out and did something like this - they deserve an award.  It might have seemed easy to them but even Mom and Dad would be scared to try it!  From that point (like on the drive home), work with your child to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become better at the next tournament.  Have them set a goal that is specific - "My goal is to get at least a 3rd place trophy at the next tournament since this trophy says 4th.  The next tournament is [PICK A DATE]." 

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people.

*Copyright Josh Hayhurst

How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method

Parents want their children to do what is healthy for them and make good choices.  Some things are harder than others.  I wanted to share some fundamental techniques in dealing with people that I've learned over the years.  First of all, you have your own problems, and we have to address that fact.  When your child doesn't do what you want, many people relate it to themselves.  For example, in the beginning you say, "you have to brush your teeth so that your teeth are strong and white!"  Then after your child doesn't do it and you always have to get on them about it, you change it to, "you never do what I tell you to, you gotta brush your teeth!"  So you begin to make it about YOU and not about THEM!  To begin, we need to create the mindset of always relating the things a child must do to THEIR SELF INTEREST!

Now, we want all children to compete in the upcoming tournament!  There are so many benefits to children competing.  In the later posts, we'll publish them.  Among the many, the kids will expand socially and make new friends, understand winning and losing, and they'll also have a lot of fun.  That's just the beginning, and kids experience things different!  Today, I want to teach you the Socratic Method on getting a child to listen and do what you want them to do.  Just as a side-note, this works even better for adults! NOTE* "Socratic" stems from the base word, Socrates was a Greek philosopher changed the way people thought... he would make his students train with the wrestlers because he understood that a strong body leads to a strong mind!  Click this link to find out more about Socrates

Let's start our tournament competition conversation by getting our child to say, YES!  Don't start out with, "Do you want to compete?" Most of the time, a child won't want to compete because of they are nervous and scared.  Tournaments are big events in a new place and kids don't know what to expect.  So say something like, "You are doing pretty good in class and I can tell your instructor is impressed by your performance... doesn't that make you feel good?"  Then your child would say, "Yeah, that is pretty cool."  You could follow up with, "I would say you're one of the top students in class... it's too bad there's not a way to challenge yourself and see how good you really are..." And your child might say, "Yeah, that would be pretty cool." Then you could say, "Well you know, your instructor did mention that there's a tournament coming up, I bet that would be a good way to see how good you are.. What do you think?  Would you want to try it out?"  Use a couple questions to get your child to say YES before you drop the big question, even if you assume they're excited.  They might even come up with the idea themselves!

Here's a little note about the word NO.  Avoid them saying the word no - with kids' pride, they will stick with the no and not go back, it's like a game.  Even if they change their mind and end up feeling like they really want to do it later, they will stick with it because their pride is on the line.  In a book by Dale Carnegie, he states, "When a person says 'no' and really means it, he or she is really doing far more than saying a word of two letters.  The entire organism - glandular, nervous, muscular - gathers itself together into a condition of rejection."

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people. Try the Socratic method for the upcoming tournament!

Training with Chief Master MK Lee

Last weekend I had a blast training with all the other high ranks in our region during a "camp" taught by Chief Master MK Lee, Master Skiles, and Mr. Abasolo - straight from ATA HQ.  We worked a lot on basics and ironed out some of the things that we've all been doing wrong in the Black Belt forms.

So when you come to your next class, be ready to work on the Black Belt forms in a new way!  We've got the edge on the competition, just in time for the April tournament in New Jersey!

Make sure you register for the inner school tournament and the Class "A" tournament that'll be in Edison, NJ at the end of April.  Class "A" means that there has been a record number of competitors every year - over 750!!

Inner School Tournament!

This weekend we had our Inner School Tournament. It was an awesome event for the kids, teens, and adults. We had about 50 competitors and a record number of White, Orange, and Yellow belt competitors! Our students learned about "spirit" and how important that it is to cheer other competitors on. They also learned what it takes to perform in front of a group. Some of the best students at ATA Elkton are motivated by competition and the saying is true, "Pressure makes diamonds." We took a bunch of pictures of the kids in the morning and the adults later in the afternoon. The most exciting event was the Creative Division and Mrs. McDaniel's form. She was "warning me" all week that she had a surprise for us! Check out our Flikr.com page for all of the pictures! Some of the students were competing for the first time this weekend which is great because trying new things is a great way to develop confidence! Keep up the great work! Hopefully this tournament was the first of many.

ATA Elkton's first post!

We had a Blogspot before and we kind of abandoned it. This is the first post for the official ATA Elkton Blogspot! Since the beginning of 2010 we've had a ton of events! Check them out:

1. Bring a buddy to class week January 4-7
2. Sports Fitness and Combat Conditioning Seminar January 10
3. New Year, New You Adult fitness classes January 11-14
4. ATA Maryland Demo Team performed at The Tome School January 15
5. The Good Fight Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Tournament in Baltimore, MD January 16
6. Regional Tournament in Lincroft, NJ February 6
7. Tournament Prep Seminar February 13
8. President's Day Camp February 15
9. Belt Promotions February 19-20
10. Old Gear Buy Back February 22-27
11. F.I.G.H.T. Seminar with Haganah founder Mike Lee Kanarek March 7
12. Quest for the perfect kick seminar March 13
13. Jahng Bong Seminar March 20
14. Regional Tournament in Pittsburgh, PA March 20

Wow! We are full of events at ATA Elkton. Don't forget to comment and share your pictures on our Facebook page! In addition to our new Blogspot, we've also created a Flickr account! Click on the different links below to check it out to see some of the pictures we've added!

FLICKR.COM/ATAelkton
FACEBOOK.COM/ata.maryland

If you find yourself in any of the pictures and you'd rather not, let us know and we'll remove it right away!