"Hey, you wanna do the tournament?"
"No? Why not? C'mon!"
"Ok, fine."
Many times, that's the conversation that I hear. When I speak to a parent (or even an adult who I'm trying to motivate to compete in a tournament) they usually say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to." Well, I completely get that! Once a child makes up their mind (or an adult for that matter), it's hard to turn a 'no' into a 'yes.' The trick is, don't start with a question where 'no' is an option! If you read the last blog post, I detail the Socratic method and a little about the word No. Check it out by going to this link: How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method. So let's think about when your child doesn't want to get ready for school, get in the car so that you can make it to an appointment, brush his or her teeth, or eat their vegetables. You don't say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to." You don't, do you?? Well, I know that competing in a tournament or something that is really optional isn't the same as getting them to do something as important as that but I just want you to know that you have the power to get your children to do ANYTHING! You can be a brute: "You will do this tournament, no excuses, no other option." Or you can be a diplomat by using some of the methods I'll give you!
First of all, children constantly try to dominate or avoid domination. Wait, not just kids, everyone. Kids especially. If you understand that when they say no, they're trying to avoid domination. When they pick the game, they're trying to dominate. Most of the time, it's fine - they pick what to play with or what veggie we're eating tonight (Corn, right?). If you understand that, you can alter your words to reflect it! Bugs Bunny used to call it Reverse Psychology! Before you read any further, I want you to go to this YouTube video and I'll prove it to you! So, you're Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck is your child. HERE'S THE VIDEO YOU HAVE TO GO TO!Many times, that's the conversation that I hear. When I speak to a parent (or even an adult who I'm trying to motivate to compete in a tournament) they usually say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to." Well, I completely get that! Once a child makes up their mind (or an adult for that matter), it's hard to turn a 'no' into a 'yes.' The trick is, don't start with a question where 'no' is an option! If you read the last blog post, I detail the Socratic method and a little about the word No. Check it out by going to this link: How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method. So let's think about when your child doesn't want to get ready for school, get in the car so that you can make it to an appointment, brush his or her teeth, or eat their vegetables. You don't say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to." You don't, do you?? Well, I know that competing in a tournament or something that is really optional isn't the same as getting them to do something as important as that but I just want you to know that you have the power to get your children to do ANYTHING! You can be a brute: "You will do this tournament, no excuses, no other option." Or you can be a diplomat by using some of the methods I'll give you!
You have to be creative when you come up with your plan. If you get a no, it'll be hard to turn it around. My example might not work for your child because you have to use little things that will get them EXCITED! We're going to plan our conversation around motivating and influencing our child to do something that is important and beneficial to them - even though they don't want to. This is not intended to be used to manipulate children - so use this for good, not evil!
Start with something basic:
"When you did class last night, your techniques were awesome! You have two stripes don't you?"
"Yeah, Dad, I got 'em"
"Nice... that's good. I'm curious, didn't your instructor say that the only way you can go to the tournament is if you had THREE stripes on your belt?"
"I don't know, I don't remember. I know everything I have to do to get the stripes, I just have to show my instructor."
"Yeah I'm sure you could get your stripe next time you go in. But going to the tournament is another thing. You'd have to do your form all by yourself, you don't get your instructor to help you."
"I could totally do my form all by myself, I don't need anybody's help! I've been practicing my butt off!"
"Oh, so you think that you could go to a tournament and probably beat the other kids?"
"Yeah, I could definitely do that! [Dad smiles]"
You see how the child felt like the parent was going to tell him he wouldn't be able to compete (dominate him) so he had to get defensive and avoid domination? With that, he said exactly what Dad wanted him to say. He predicted his child's behavior and knew his interests and motives and planned out the conversation accordingly. Some kids won't try to avoid domination, they'll just dominate, so you might have to change it around. You can figure that out, just be creative. In Dale Carnegie's Book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People," he says about a similar subject, "I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer."
My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action: Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people. Try the this Domination/ Avoid Domination method for the upcoming tournament!
No comments:
Post a Comment