Healthy Competition :) Part 3

"This is why I kept doing martial arts!"
That is what I tell to all the families that ask me questions about tournaments.  Most people are curious about how a tournament works, how long it lasts, and what they have to do.  Those questions are easy to answer but the most important thing is, when you go to a tournament, set the goal to compete, NOT watch.  When you watch something that you are nervous about before you participate (like a tournament), most people will come up with MORE reasons why they can't do it - not get excited about participating.  That's why I ask my potential new students to just into a class or private lesson first, not watch a class.

"I'm going to get the third bar added to it now since I just earned my third degree black belt!"  Is what Mr. Frank from the Edgewood, MD ATA school said a few years ago about his Triple Crown Champion tattoo that he has in an inconspicuous spot on his calf.  Many school owners are so excited about competition that they will do anything to share the experience with their students.  Another thing that many school owners will agree on is tournaments is also a decision point in students QUITTING martial arts.  They don't have a good experience and, instead of learning from it, they decide to give up everything they've worked for!  In the next part of this article is the lessons that kids should learn after a tournament so that they are motivated and learn life skills from it.  From every win and loss, a lesson is learned.  Sometimes the lesson is more like a diamond in the rough.  A competitor may leave a tournament saying "the judge was wrong" "they didn't call my points" "I should've beaten him" "I don't know why he won when he dropped his weapon," among an infinite amount of complaints.  You have to dig really deep sometimes to discover the lesson to be learned!

This week, I'll focus more on the age group of 7-13.  For older kids, it's important to make them think but try and guide their thoughts.  In the last post, we talked about what to do when they win and what to do when they lose.  Here is a quick review:

WIN:  When the competitor wins, make sure you remind them that the other students aren't going to take it lightly and they're going to turn it up and try to beat them next time.  So it's important to train harder!  The next part included the fact that the 4th place trophy has significance but is not a true WIN!  It means that they have done something that 90% of martial artists wouldn't and they deserved recognition for that.

LOSE:  When the competitor loses, it's important to give self-feedback and talk about what parts they were weakest in.  Work with your competitor to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become better at the next tournament.  Have them set a goal that is specific!

From both tournament results, we have a job to do.  Begin the process of preparing for the next tournament on the drive home!  Always give praise about what the competitor truly did good.  Go wild with praise and make it specific - especially if they didn't get 1st, 2nd, or 3rd.  If you stopped to get a meal at one of the rest stops on the way home and they are unresponsive and they don't really acknowledge all the praise - that's OK!  They are probably going to feel down about not winning.  From both outcomes of competition, the next action needs to be to either "Train Harder" or "become better."  Those things have the same meaning!!  Here's an extra detail:  when you are working on setting the goal to do better or get the same result at the next tournament, teach your child how to set the goal but also talk about the steps that it will take to get that result!  Let your child do most of the talking and see if they can be creative and come up with a plan on how they can get better.  Here are some ways to improve:

• Get some private lessons - they will make you exponentially better!
• Have a strict training regimen.  At first it can just be a challenge of discipline like:  Every time we practice, we're going to go for no less than 30 minutes.  Another one can be:  we are going to train for 15 minutes every day, no matter what
• At your school, try and work with a different instructor to get a new perspective.  Some instructors have a preference to weapons, sparring, forms, sport karate/ extreme and you can get insights into those divisions sometimes by switching it up!

 The moral if this story is:  Most people in our country set goals but a statistic shows that only about 2% regularly achieve them.  Help your child SET a goal and then work on a plan and stick with it to GET their goal!  My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people.

How to get a child to listen - 2 Domination/ Avoid Domination

"Hey, you wanna do the tournament?"

"No? Why not? C'mon!"

"Ok, fine."

Many times, that's the conversation that I hear.  When I speak to a parent (or even an adult who I'm trying to motivate to compete in a tournament) they usually say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to."  Well, I completely get that!  Once a child makes up their mind (or an adult for that matter), it's hard to turn a 'no' into a 'yes.'  The trick is, don't start with a question where 'no' is an option!  If you read the last blog post, I detail the Socratic method and a little about the word No.  Check it out by going to this link: How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method.  So let's think about when your child doesn't want to get ready for school, get in the car so that you can make it to an appointment, brush his or her teeth, or eat their vegetables.  You don't say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to."  You don't, do you??  Well, I know that competing in a tournament or something that is really optional isn't the same as getting them to do something as important as that but I just want you to know that you have the power to get your children to do ANYTHING!  You can be a brute:  "You will do this tournament, no excuses, no other option."  Or you can be a diplomat by using some of the methods I'll give you! 

First of all, children constantly try to dominate or avoid domination.  Wait, not just kids, everyone.  Kids especially.  If you understand that when they say no, they're trying to avoid domination.  When they pick the game, they're trying to dominate.  Most of the time, it's fine - they pick what to play with or what veggie we're eating tonight (Corn, right?).  If you understand that, you can alter your words to reflect it!  Bugs Bunny used to call it Reverse Psychology!  Before you read any further, I want you to go to this YouTube video and I'll prove it to you!  So, you're Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck is your child.  HERE'S THE VIDEO YOU HAVE TO GO TO!

You have to be creative when you come up with your plan.  If you get a no, it'll be hard to turn it around.  My example might not work for your child because you have to use little things that will get them EXCITED!  We're going to plan our conversation around motivating and influencing our child to do something that is important and beneficial to them - even though they don't want to.  This is not intended to be used to manipulate children - so use this for good, not evil!

Start with something basic:
"When you did class last night, your techniques were awesome!  You have two stripes don't you?"
"Yeah, Dad, I got 'em"
"Nice... that's good.  I'm curious, didn't your instructor say that the only way you can go to the tournament is if you had THREE stripes on your belt?"
"I don't know, I don't remember.  I know everything I have to do to get the stripes, I just have to show my instructor."
"Yeah I'm sure you could get your stripe next time you go in.  But going to the tournament is another thing.  You'd have to do your form all by yourself, you don't get your instructor to help you."
"I could totally do my form all by myself, I don't need anybody's help!  I've been practicing my butt off!"
"Oh, so you think that you could go to a tournament and probably beat the other kids?"
"Yeah, I could definitely do that! [Dad smiles]"

You see how the child felt like the parent was going to tell him he wouldn't be able to compete (dominate him) so he had to get defensive and avoid domination?  With that, he said exactly what Dad wanted him to say.  He predicted his child's behavior and knew his interests and motives and planned out the conversation accordingly.  Some kids won't try to avoid domination, they'll just dominate, so you might have to change it around.  You can figure that out, just be creative.  In Dale Carnegie's Book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People," he says about a similar subject, "I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer."

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people. Try the this Domination/ Avoid Domination method for the upcoming tournament!

Healthy Competition :) Part 2

Life is all about choice!  At ATA Elkton, we teach about the Ladder of Success - which is something I heard later in my life, in college.  As we make good decisions, we climb the ladder of success.  For each bad decision we climb down a rung.  The good thing is that we should always learn from our mistakes.  It's kind of like a "one step backward and two steps forward" kind of deal.  When we make a good decision, it's easy to become lazy.  It's also important to learn from our successes so that they keep happening!  A tournament is an amazing way to immerse one's self in a challenge to learn.  From every win and loss, you can learn something to really make you a true champion.  The only trick is that from every win and loss, you can also make a choice to NOT learn anything.  It can go either way.  The purpose of this section is to help you teach your children a powerful lesson after each tournament, based on their age group.

Today we'll go over skills for kids aged 7-10 years old.  Just so you know, those kids are the ages where they actually begin to "compete."  They go for 1st, 2nd, or 3rd, then there is a 4th place trophy.  I call it the competitor award but many schools are giving out the 1-3 and then giving up to 13 kids a "4th place."  It goes along with the ATA's motto, "every kid is a winner."  To prepare for this, here is what I'd suggest:

If a kid gets a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place trophy, talk about how awesome they did and then maybe ask the kid how they can train over the next few weeks to continue to do this good.  We could keep telling them how when they beat those other kids, those kids became more motivated to train harder and come back next time and try and beat YOU!  Right away (like on the drive home), work with your child to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become even better by the next tournament. 

For kids that got the 4th place trophy, those kids need to understand that the 4th place trophy means something important but doesn't mean that they actually won at the tournament.  The fourth place trophy symbolizes the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of ATA kids that are too scared to compete.  The fact that they came out and did something like this - they deserve an award.  It might have seemed easy to them but even Mom and Dad would be scared to try it!  From that point (like on the drive home), work with your child to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become better at the next tournament.  Have them set a goal that is specific - "My goal is to get at least a 3rd place trophy at the next tournament since this trophy says 4th.  The next tournament is [PICK A DATE]." 

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people.

*Copyright Josh Hayhurst

How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method

Parents want their children to do what is healthy for them and make good choices.  Some things are harder than others.  I wanted to share some fundamental techniques in dealing with people that I've learned over the years.  First of all, you have your own problems, and we have to address that fact.  When your child doesn't do what you want, many people relate it to themselves.  For example, in the beginning you say, "you have to brush your teeth so that your teeth are strong and white!"  Then after your child doesn't do it and you always have to get on them about it, you change it to, "you never do what I tell you to, you gotta brush your teeth!"  So you begin to make it about YOU and not about THEM!  To begin, we need to create the mindset of always relating the things a child must do to THEIR SELF INTEREST!

Now, we want all children to compete in the upcoming tournament!  There are so many benefits to children competing.  In the later posts, we'll publish them.  Among the many, the kids will expand socially and make new friends, understand winning and losing, and they'll also have a lot of fun.  That's just the beginning, and kids experience things different!  Today, I want to teach you the Socratic Method on getting a child to listen and do what you want them to do.  Just as a side-note, this works even better for adults! NOTE* "Socratic" stems from the base word, Socrates was a Greek philosopher changed the way people thought... he would make his students train with the wrestlers because he understood that a strong body leads to a strong mind!  Click this link to find out more about Socrates

Let's start our tournament competition conversation by getting our child to say, YES!  Don't start out with, "Do you want to compete?" Most of the time, a child won't want to compete because of they are nervous and scared.  Tournaments are big events in a new place and kids don't know what to expect.  So say something like, "You are doing pretty good in class and I can tell your instructor is impressed by your performance... doesn't that make you feel good?"  Then your child would say, "Yeah, that is pretty cool."  You could follow up with, "I would say you're one of the top students in class... it's too bad there's not a way to challenge yourself and see how good you really are..." And your child might say, "Yeah, that would be pretty cool." Then you could say, "Well you know, your instructor did mention that there's a tournament coming up, I bet that would be a good way to see how good you are.. What do you think?  Would you want to try it out?"  Use a couple questions to get your child to say YES before you drop the big question, even if you assume they're excited.  They might even come up with the idea themselves!

Here's a little note about the word NO.  Avoid them saying the word no - with kids' pride, they will stick with the no and not go back, it's like a game.  Even if they change their mind and end up feeling like they really want to do it later, they will stick with it because their pride is on the line.  In a book by Dale Carnegie, he states, "When a person says 'no' and really means it, he or she is really doing far more than saying a word of two letters.  The entire organism - glandular, nervous, muscular - gathers itself together into a condition of rejection."

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people. Try the Socratic method for the upcoming tournament!

Healthy Competition :) Part 1

Competition either gives us a stronger drive or stops us in our tracks.  Truthfully, you decide how you handle yourself after a devastating defeat or an overwhelming victory.  At ATA Elkton, we call this "Being a good winner and being a good loser."  You can check out that full blog post by visiting The Personal Achievement Academy Blog.  From every win and lose with every age group, there is a lesson to learn.  Martial Arts Tournaments are a small investment in time and money that will give children and adults the skills they need for life.  At different age groups, people have various ideas of what a tournament is all about.  Here are some tips on how to teach a kid after a tournament:

Let's begin with Tiny Tigers.  These kids are aged between 3 and 7 years old.  While all kids are different, this age group is very egocentric.  They really care about themselves and what's going on with them.  On a global level, the ATA organization's motto is that "every kid is special and every kid is a winner."  With that, every kid gets a trophy/ medal when they compete - no matter how good or bad they performed.  While they will get a small boost from one trophy, we have to make sure they are driving to get better each time they compete, not just participating for the "competitor award."  Tiny Tigers all get the same exact trophy so it's always good to "debrief" them after their ring is over.  Gretchen Zahn, mother of two tiny tigers and counselor at a local Elementary school offers some advice, "When a child finishes their tournament, you have to talk about why they got their trophy.  They only care about getting a trophy so you have to talk about what it was for.  After that, talk about another way they can get a trophy like, 'wouldn't you like to get one for the highest kicks next time?  Let's work on having higher kicks and try to get that trophy next time!'  This is ensure that they are constantly improving and inspired to compete next time."  It's important to address their instinctual desires while also focusing on the future with kids that age.  Show your leadership with children - take that as advice for your Tiny Tiger and help them become a stronger person!

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people.

School Talk at Thomson Estates

A few weeks ago ATA instructors went to Thomson Estates elementary and hosted a special class for the whole school.  It was all the kids that have had good behavior all year from the school, split into 3 groups.  This was something new because I've never taught classes of 150 students before, but it was really cool.  I learned a couple things about engaging a crowd and that the excitement of a class is amplified when the "Yes Sir!" can be heard echoing through the entire school.  We took a few pictures, but it was tough to take them at the same time we were teaching.  Check out our Facebook picture album by going to THIS PAGE. 

We taught a really cool course called the ABC Concentration course.  First, we warm the kids up with some plyometric drills to make them fast and strong.  Then we talk about having a good attitude and always trying their best.  After that, we use martial arts to teach Belief- how the most important person to believe in is yourself!  Then, I taught them the 3 levels of master focus and give teachers a tool to use when the kids are having trouble focusing.

Thanks Thomson Estates and their guidance counselor, Gretchen Zahn, for inviting us.  The staff at the school, including the principal shows how dedicated they are to the future of our community every day in their action.  I've never met a crew with so much passion!