To take a stand (this is impossibly important to me)

I was taught the meaning of "taking a stand" last summer during a leadership seminar in Philadelphia.  The class was a very intense 3-day weekend where I learned a lot about myself, other people, and how we interact with each other.  One of the many affirmations that I got from the seminar was "Big people take a stand for each other."

Over the past few months, I've been talking to parents about taking a stand for their children.  My call to action has been:

"My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people."

Sometimes, you really have to "force" a kid to do something they won't like so that they can become better people or better at what they do.  This could be a Lacrosse Camp that they don't want to go to, a tutoring school that's extracurricular, or a martial arts tournament.  No one can "force" anyone to do anything.  A parent can take things away from a child and ground them or whatever they want but when it comes down to it, a child will make the decision whether to do something or not.  Parents give motivation or inspiration for a child to do something, that is what we mean by "force."  For example:  A parent can motivate a child by saying "If you get 1st place at world championships, I'll buy you the Star Wars Death Star Lego Set!!"  Or, the parent can inspire the child by saying, "Can you imagine what it will feel like wearing your Black Belt??  That will be the coolest thing in the world!!"  But picking a child up and bringing them to karate class will not make them into black belts, the parents must inspire or motivate them to do it. 

Here's a quote that I truly believe in.

Re-reading the last paragraph makes me think about two kinds of kids and parents.  Parents who have self-motivated kids who try their best always and parents that have to constantly motivate their children with negative or positive reinforcement to get them to do their best.  There is always a teeter-totter of emotion about staying on track for their goals and keeping a high level of discipline.  But what about those parents that don't take a stand? 

Parents who don't take a stand for their child and let them make their own decision.  A parent that allows their children to skate through a program, not helping to keep them engaged because of their own personal interests.  I feel bad for the children whose parents let them quit.  The children in a seemingly happy household whose mother and father will not take a stand for something that a child has, at one point, set forth with intensity to achieve something that only a few can.  And at the first sign of failure or loss-of-interest, the parent lets the child decide what's best for them. 

Think about the 8 or 9 year old kid who looks at her mother and says, "I don't want to go today."  Mom says, "Oh you're going, don't even try it."  The child attends their class at their martial arts school or dance school and enjoys herself, as usual.  It really hurts me to think about that same girl who looks at her mom and she says, "OK, don't do it then."  Mother doesn't care whether the girl does it or not.  Mother doesn't care. 

Something about Respect

Recently, I visited a gym that had a very unique policy.  As we walked by the over 50 pieces of cardio equipment, the sales person said that this is a judgement free zone - "members can relax, get in shape, and have fun without being subjected to the hard-core, look-at-me attitude that exists in too many gyms."  After that, we got a tour of the strength training equipment in the back.  There were machines that you push, pull, sit on and kick your legs up and back, and a bunch of other things.  There were free weights and something called a Smith Machine (it's like a barbell machine that actually guides your movement instead of being free).  On the wall was a big alarm that said it will go off - light up and make a loud sound - if someone acts a certain way.  Specifically, if a person grunts, drops weights, or judges other people

After studying fitness and training in strength, cardio, and martial arts over the past 10 years, I've created a plan-of-action for myself that I share with everyone that trains with me. 

My philosophy on training: 

• When it comes to training in a gym, there is no "relax."  You should go in, get busy, then leave.
• There is nowhere in the entire universe that is "judgement free."  You will be judged your whole life on everything you do.  You may not hear what other people are saying about you, but trust that your every action will be judged.  The way you handle criticism and compliments is a true test of your character. So what would you rather be judged on - not trying hard or watching others work out or being the hardest working one in the gym?
• As far as the person that grunts, drops weights, or judges other people in a way that others are embarrassed or creeped out, that stems from the other person's insecurities.  When someone grunts loud on every exercise, they are usually looking for attention.  When you judge and criticize other people, it is usually because you're insecure about yourself.  You will notice people that are nice, outgoing, and friendly, usually are secure about the way they look and feel good about themselves.  So the grunter, weight dropping, judger is just a person that shows a lot of disrespect for the people near him/ her.
• To really become the strongest version of yourself, you have to come out of your comfort zone.  Train with people that are better than you and develop a vision of how you want to look and feel a year from now.  Let others set the example for you until you reach your goal fitness level!

To finish this, I feel like having an alarm for a "lunk" is a passive-aggressive way to solve a problem that is caused by a tiny minority of people showing disrespect in a gym.  Let's show more respect to each other like this:

• Be aware of others' personal space 
• Don't stare at someone unless you are going to say, "Hi!"
• If you feel someone disrespects you, speak your mind in a respectful way to tell them how you feel and a solution to the problem - if that offends them, then welcome them to the club!

Instead of joining a "beginner's gym" or a gym that brags that you will get results there, just come and take ATAfit.  The class is to-the-point, we have fun while we're training, you get to punch and kick bags, and if you try your hardest, you'll improve your fitness level. 
CLICK HERE to sign up for a free class

Special Training for color belts

Check out these videos designed for our school. Do 30 seconds of each warm up drill, every basic technique ten times on each side (with 100% power), and the segment in the video 10 times.

For beginners: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2jL9KmpkWc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

For intermediate levels:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VbuHXTzMmQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

If you are red black belts or higher, choose which video to practice as a quick martial arts workout. Perform this stuff at 100% and it will be a great warm up to a perfect work out!

Upcoming events this summer

June 16th:
Father's day classes!!
9:30am - 10am Tiny Tigers and their Dads, Dudes, and Daughters!
10am - 10:30am Juniors and their Dads, Dudes, and Daughters!
After that, Hyper Pro Training and Leadership Action Classes as normal.  This is also the last day to register for promotions before the "red zone."

June 23rd:
NO EVENTS - Regular Classes

June 30th:
Belt Promotions!
10am - White through Yellow Belts
11:30am - Camo through Red Belts
3:30 - 5:30pm Black Belts

July 4th:
Abridged schedule: 
We'll be closed at night but have 2 classes in the morning:
9:30am - 10am - All Tiny Tigers
10:15am - 11:00am - All Juniors
After that, go hang out with your family!

July 7th - 13th:
ATA Elkton will be closed for mandatory decompression, sorry :(

July 14th:
NO EVENTS - Regular Classes (see new schedule)

July 16th-20th:
HYPER Summer Camp!!  Kicks, Tricks, and Flips!  9am - 3pm with after care til 5:30 if needed.  Still $199 to register and there are still some spots left.  Check out HYPER TV for more info!

July 21st:
Outdoor Training Event - Hyper Park Session - FOR EVERYONE!!

July 28th:
Regional Tournament in Lincroft, NJ
Mandatory for all SWAT and Instructors - you should totally go!!

July 30th - August 3rd:
RANK UP Camp!  Forms, Sparring, Self Defense!  Try your best and go to the next belt at the end!  9am - 3pm with after care til 5:30 if needed.  Still $199 to register and there are still some spots left.

August 4th:
ATA Summer Picnic!! More details to come!!

August 11th:
NO EVENTS - Regular Classes

August 18th:
HYPER Olympics and ATA Inner School Tournament
All Morning/ Afternoon.  Register at the front desk to compete and see who wins the point contest!

August 25th:
Belt Promotions (same times as the June 30th one)

This just in:

September 15th:
Kid Power Child Safety Course:
Stranger Danger, Bully defense, and focusing on how to have a successful school year. Most importantly, dealing with one of the five dangers facing our kids today: Lack of Motivation! Times will be posted soon!

Class Planners and how to be a black belt

We've organized every single class from the time a student begins until the time that they earn their 4th degree black belt.  This includes Tiny Tiger students, ATAfit students, and Leadership Classes.  I feel that with this structure, the parents will be more involved in practicing with the kids and will even join the class themselves. 

In addition to that, I've asked a few parents what would help them practice at home better.  Most said, "If you come home with me and work out with my son."  Well, I'm not going to do that with everyone but what I'll start to do is creating a 1 or 2 minute training video on "what to practice tonight."  This will create a plan so that you can practice for 20-30 minutes, know the actual techniques to practice, and have a world champion plan.

The disconnect here is that many parents don't check their emails - those parents aren't even reading this.  Some have facebook and haven't "liked" ATA Elkton.  Some just don't pay attention.  To keep your child involved long-term, train with them!  Stay tuned to get all the training for next cycle!

Here are some of our Overviews and How each student can get their stripes next cycle:
Here's what the color belts are DOING
Here's how you can earn your STRIPES - remember stripe 1 is week 2, stripe 2 is week 4, strike 3 is week 6.  Share that goal with your son or daughter!
Here's what the First Degrees are DOING - We're starting from cycle 1
Here are some CHECKPOINTS, use these just like the color belt stripes(for 1st Degrees)
Here's what the Second Degrees are DOING - we're starting from cycle 4
Here are some CHECKPOINTS, use these just like the color belt stripes (for 2nd Degrees)
For third degrees, there will be a check points sheet and a list of midterms coming soon, for now, use the 2nd degree one but switch out 2nd degree form with 3rd degree form since the requirements will be the same, only at a higher skill level.

Upcoming Schedule Evolution!

After the next belt promotion cycle, our schedule is going to adjust a little.  There is good reason for it and I'm really excited to share it!  Here's a list of classes:

• White-Yellow Belt Tigers - there are 4 classes to choose from so you can train on the weekends or during the week!  Choose 2 to get the best out of your training and Stick to it!
• White-Yellow Belt Juniors - there are 4 classes to choose from so you can train on the weekends or during the week!  Choose 2 to get the best out of your training and Stick to it!
• 1st Degree Black Belts - you've made it!  You're the top of the color belts.  Focus your goals on competition to unleash your winning potential!  Train on the two weekday classes and weekend class
• 2nd and 3rd Degrees - you all train together because you are awesome at motivating each other!  Focus your goals on competition to unleash your winning potential!  Train on the two weekday classes and weekend class
• Adult TKD - you have two weekday classes and then come to ATAfit on Friday night or Fit Club on Saturday morning in Elkton to get a full experience of Forms, Fitness, and Self Defense!
• ATAfit - you barf you win, 'nuff said.
• Camo-Red Tigers - a constantly fluctuating class that has a focused plan to achieve black belt from an early age - 4 different opportunities to train, choose 2 to get the bet out of your training and Stick to it!
• Camo-Red Belts - 16 new yellow belts coming in and 5 Red Belts returning to class!  That's why we added an extra class on Saturdays!  If you come in and it's a packed house, try another day!  Choose 2 to get the bet out of your training and Stick to it!
• RFLX Tactial - training for real-life situations where going to the ground is not an option.  Multiple attacker scenarios and control drills designed for Law Enforcement, Security, and Military, but anyone 18+ can take it!  Add this class on for $15 a class or $49 a month.
• HYPER Pro Training - You've seen it on the TV in our pro shop and I've seen you watching with your jaw on the floor!  This stuff is sweeet and we have a structured plan to take a student from ZERO to HERO!!  Pro athlete mindset will get these students pumped and primed for their new favorite class!
• Leadership Action Class (LAC) - We train leaders at ATA Elkton and this is how we do it.  Never been to it before?  Call or ask and we'll schedule a "first class."

CLICK RIGHT HERE TO GET THE NEW SCHEDULE, EFFECTIVE 7/2/12

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises!

"I wish I had someone that could give me a call to kick my butt into doing what I need to do!" Lack of motivation is one of the greatest dangers facing our kids these days. Is it more fun to play baseball or play baseball on Xbox 360? These days, it is important to be fit, confidence, and healthy. A man who lost his wife in the tragedy of 9-11 was interviewed and he was asked, "If this were to ever happen to again, what advice would you give America?"  His wife didn't make it to the bottom of the World Trade Center that she was working in because of her fitness level. The man said, "You have to be as fit as you possibly can." 

This summer is the test for parents in helping their children reach their goals.  Something called "Narrow Mind Focus" will affect 70%-80% of our students this summer.  N.M.F. goes like this:  A student is swimming in a pool on a warm summer day.  It's about 4pm and it's time to get ready for class, mom walks up to her son and says, "Tommy, it's time to get out of the pool and get ready for karate!"  Tommy says, "I don't think I like karate anymore, I want to quit."  Two weeks ago, Tommy told mom about how he wants to be a karate instructor when he grows up and he was so excited to earn his stripe and now he wants to quit?  No.  Tommy is testing mom and has Narrow Mind Focus!  All he is thinking about is swimming in the pool and doesn't want to get out so he says what he thinks mom will react to. 

The lack of motivation usually starts with mom letting Tommy quit karate.  Then while Tommy is "searching for something else to try," he starts playing video games and is locked in to something that isn't as beneficial as martial arts training.  It's important to remind Tommy about his goals and keep him committed to them!  When you first enrolled Tommy into a program, he didn't understand the power of commitment - but you did!  This is a commitment for Tommy to always try his best, the instructors to keep him excited IN class, and Mom and Dad to commit to bring him to class no matter what!  Don't you wish you had someone [like you] that would kick your butt every time you wanted to quit something that you started out strong with? (Working out, quitting smoking, eating better, etc)

This summer, ATA is going to be THE PLACE TO BE!  We are going to have an awesome ticket contest, referral contest, fun events, water gun and balloon battles, special competitions, and a bunch of other cool things, too!  Of course, some cool movies are coming out and we're going to be doing special themed classes and movie nights where kids can win a NERF Gatling gun!  They are going to love martial arts this summer, have a cool group of friends, and you will help to inspire them and teach them about the POWER of commitment! 

Read this and apply it to FORCING Tommy out of the pool:

"Commitment in the face of conflict produces character." -Unknown (but not me, until now!)

Why do kids bully? [Part 2]

Bullying will never stop!  As there has always been bigger people trying to control smaller people, there will always be a struggle for control!  Some experts agree that the cause of bullying is personal insecurities.  It may happen like this:  A Dad abuses his son and tells him he'll never amount to anything and he always messes up.  He tells his son all of the bad things he does and never gives him praise for the good things.  Feeling like a loser, the child goes into the world with a negative outlook on everyone.  His only example in life teaches him how to interact with others, mostly negative.  He inflicts his childhood negativity on other kids around him.  To himself he says, "These kids are my age and just like me, if I won't amount to anything then neither will they!"  So he torments smaller kids to take out the frustration given to him by his father!  When the child bully grows up and has a son of his own, the cycle starts again...

That isn't always true.  Many kids labeled as bullies say that picking on other people makes them feel good.  If that is one's source of pleasure, I would have to say that that is pretty sad.  Most people have "bullied" another person before and they might not have realized it!  Little things that people say or the way people say certain things can effect people tremendously.

Let's look at some of the questions I posed in the last article:  Why was the child bullied?  There could be many reasons why but do your best to take care of those issues.  Many things can breed bullying.

One that comes to mind is child obesity.  Because someone is overweight, they could be delivered an onslaught of negative comments all day long at school.  While many people say that they are "comfortable with their weight," that doesn't mean it's healthy.  Good eating habits and proper exercise can help create a better life for people of all ages.  Stronger bones, better mood, more energy, more powerful muscles, and less bullying could result in a change in body fat - for the healthier.

Other ways a child could be bullied is the way they look, how they dress, what type of things they like (like they play accordion instead of the guitar), or how they talk.  People shouldn't be bullied for what they believe in!  Before you let your child go out to school with those bright yellow pants and fake nerd glasses, you have to ask, "Does your child have a confidence level to be able to stand up for what they think is right?"  How someone looks or the clothes they wear should be an expression of their personality and people should accept the way other people look, dress, and do (to an extent).

I believe that the current plan of dealing with bullies at school is very effective.  On the other hand, it doesn't empower children to stand up for themselves and become stronger people - which will carry over into adulthood.  That's why I have a passion for martial arts.  We need to help children build more confidence to stand up for what they believe in, inspire them to eat right, and to have a lifestyle that is very active!

At ATA Elkton, we're hosting 13 different one-hour bully defense lessons over the next 6 months.  Each one will empower every child that participates and will be a little different. Every class will be a community event and to attend, you'd donate $35 to St. Jude's Children's Hospital.  In the next article, I'll elaborate on the different topics and we're going to help kids remove fear from their lives and accomplish their goals!

I'd like to leave you with this call to action:  Teach your child to find the good in other people's actions instead of only calling out the negative.  Be a good-finder.  Get them to constantly acknowledge the things that their friends do good and other people will pay it forward.  Dale Carnegie said, "Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime."

Why do kids bully? [Part 1]

One of the greatest dangers facing our kids these days is bullying.  The statistics are outrageous!  According to ABC News, 30 percent of kids in school are either bullies or get bullied.  Over 160,000 kids stay home every day because of the fear of a bully.  Policies and standards have been set all over the world for what to do when bullying happens.  Even though the rules are strict, why does it continue to happen?  In this article, the focus will be on bullying on a school-aged child level.  First, let's discover what bullying actually is.

Bullying happens in a few different ways.  A bully can torment by verbally abusing someone.  This could be name calling or making fun of the other person.  When I was in 8th grade, I remember that bullies would make fun of other kids because they were overweight, not as good at sports or games in gym class, because they didn't dress in expensive clothes, or sometimes they would torment another kid for no good reason.  A bully can also physically assault someone.  This could be hitting with fists, kicking, open hands, or anything that would result in injury.  When I was in high school, I remember the seniors would walk around and "ball tap" the freshmen which was like a slap between the legs.  While embarrassing and painful, the freshmen felt that they couldn't do anything about it because seniors are so much bigger.  Another way that a bully acts is messing up another child's belongings.  I remember in school, one common practice was a bully would run up behind another kid and flip their books out of their arms.  All of their papers would go everywhere and the kid would be embarrassed and late to class.  Any of these things can cause a lot of issues in a child's life and the situations negatively challenge them to continue to try hard at school.  Some kids just want to give up.

Imagine two kids facing each other.  One kid is bigger.  You witness the bigger kid make fun of the smaller kid, what do you want to do?  Now, the bigger kid shoves the smaller kid to the ground.  What do you want to do about it now?  Most people I've asked say, "I would shove the bully down!" Or they would say, "I would hit the bully - yank them up and teach them right from wrong!"  That's what I used to think too.  To solve the problem, you must punish the bully.  Set rules and punish the "bad apples" so that the kids that aren't causing problems can learn.  If there were no bullies, the world would be a better place, right?  Wrong- that last statement will never happen.  There will always be bullies and there will always be people that get bullied.  Bully Beatdown will never solve the problem.  What happens when that kid finally snaps on a bully that has been picking on them for the entire school year?  The bully picks a new target, he doesn't STOP bullying!

The only way to stop bullying is to take action for the people YOU care about.  Bullying will never stop but you can make a difference in who becomes the target!  In the situation I described above, you have to ask, "Why was that other kid getting bullied?"  Obviously, the bully CHOSE the target:  1) Was the target someone just because he was smaller?
2) Was the target someone who doesn't dress in the latest fashion?
3) Was the target dirty or did he smell bad?
Why was the smaller kid chosen as the target?

In order to ensure that your child will know what to do when a bully strikes, EMPOWER them!  At ATA Elkton, we're hosting 13 different one-hour bully defense lessons over the next 6 months.  Each one will empower every child that participates and will be a little different. Every class will be a community event and to attend, you'd donate $35 to St. Jude's Children's Hospital.  In the next article, I'll elaborate on the different topics and we're going to help kids remove fear from their lives and accomplish their goals!

Family Life Skill: Parental Involvement

Parent involvement focuses can greatly improve a child’s self esteem, confidence, and over all ability in martial arts (and any other sport, for that matter).  Since the beginning of time, children have had parent leaders that have directly shown them how to hunt, prepare meals, and treat other people.  These days, we don’t hunt, mom prepares meals while little Johnny plays video games, and most social interactions happen at school with supervisors or in the neighborhood with minimal supervision (if any).  To help your child build character, try doing some martial arts kicks, strikes, and blocks with them.  Teach them a self-defense move.  Show them how much you care by telling them not to use these on their friends, family members, or pets – but to use them to protect themselves and the people they care about.

Coaching your child in a positive way is an excellent way to boost self-esteem.  The definition of self-esteem is an attitude that describes the way you feel about yourself.  When a child works with their parent and they get better, it creates a bond.  It shows how much the parent cares about them by doing a physical and primal activity.  This will inspire and motivate your child on a deep genetic level!  I will relate this to the ancient Greeks living in Sparta.  From the time they are born, they learn to fight.  Teachers show them martial arts and their fathers continuously test them on a daily basis.  The Spartans and Greeks were incredibly disciplined and had a territory that proved it.  After working out with your child, you’ll send them to school and practice with a higher level of self-esteem.

The confidence for a child to stand up for himself, try new things, truly believe in himself can be improved with parent involvement!  When a child is faced with a problem at school that is really hard, they may feel like they can’t do it.  When they come home, they will know that after a few minutes of working on the problem with mom and dad, it will be a piece of cake!  Or, if mom and dad don’t understand, you can show your leadership by searching on the internet to find the answer, calling one of your (smarter) friends, or searching for a tutoring service.  That shows incredible leadership!  Do you understand that children in the future will never have to search far for ANY ANSWER they want??  When I am stumped about anything, I can google-search it on my iphone – anywhere!  What an amazing resource!  When it comes to martial arts, kids see things that they WISH they could do but know they can’t.  We can easily turn the “Can’t” into “Can’t yet.”  Inspire your children by training with them a little bit every day and then search on Youtube for really incredible martial artists doing ridiculous stunts.  Then, ask your instructor for tips on training with your child!  You might want to send your child through some private lessons first to get the basics. 

By training with your children at home, you help to boost their self-esteem and improve their confidence.  Their overall ability improves and so does their mood.  Strengthen the bond you have with your child by sharing something that they love with them – as a leader.  Here are some resources I think will inspire you:

A couple youtube videos about the curriculum we’re doing this cycle:

Here's one step #1:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0J2mRc2wBg
Here's one step #2:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlWU_DaKQj0

Check out the HYPER website (HYPER TV).  After you’ve seen all the free videos, purchase some training session DVDs so you can work on new stuff together!

http://hypermartialarts.com/hyper-tv/

Good training Tools for at-home coaching:

Pork chop pads

Square hand targets

Big pads such as wavemasters XXL, BOB Bags, and shields for power

Rebreakable boards

Curriculum DVDs

Purchase these items in our ATA Pro Shop (located in the storage room, soon to be in the lobby at ATA Elkton!)

Healthy Competition :) Part 3

"This is why I kept doing martial arts!"
That is what I tell to all the families that ask me questions about tournaments.  Most people are curious about how a tournament works, how long it lasts, and what they have to do.  Those questions are easy to answer but the most important thing is, when you go to a tournament, set the goal to compete, NOT watch.  When you watch something that you are nervous about before you participate (like a tournament), most people will come up with MORE reasons why they can't do it - not get excited about participating.  That's why I ask my potential new students to just into a class or private lesson first, not watch a class.

"I'm going to get the third bar added to it now since I just earned my third degree black belt!"  Is what Mr. Frank from the Edgewood, MD ATA school said a few years ago about his Triple Crown Champion tattoo that he has in an inconspicuous spot on his calf.  Many school owners are so excited about competition that they will do anything to share the experience with their students.  Another thing that many school owners will agree on is tournaments is also a decision point in students QUITTING martial arts.  They don't have a good experience and, instead of learning from it, they decide to give up everything they've worked for!  In the next part of this article is the lessons that kids should learn after a tournament so that they are motivated and learn life skills from it.  From every win and loss, a lesson is learned.  Sometimes the lesson is more like a diamond in the rough.  A competitor may leave a tournament saying "the judge was wrong" "they didn't call my points" "I should've beaten him" "I don't know why he won when he dropped his weapon," among an infinite amount of complaints.  You have to dig really deep sometimes to discover the lesson to be learned!

This week, I'll focus more on the age group of 7-13.  For older kids, it's important to make them think but try and guide their thoughts.  In the last post, we talked about what to do when they win and what to do when they lose.  Here is a quick review:

WIN:  When the competitor wins, make sure you remind them that the other students aren't going to take it lightly and they're going to turn it up and try to beat them next time.  So it's important to train harder!  The next part included the fact that the 4th place trophy has significance but is not a true WIN!  It means that they have done something that 90% of martial artists wouldn't and they deserved recognition for that.

LOSE:  When the competitor loses, it's important to give self-feedback and talk about what parts they were weakest in.  Work with your competitor to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become better at the next tournament.  Have them set a goal that is specific!

From both tournament results, we have a job to do.  Begin the process of preparing for the next tournament on the drive home!  Always give praise about what the competitor truly did good.  Go wild with praise and make it specific - especially if they didn't get 1st, 2nd, or 3rd.  If you stopped to get a meal at one of the rest stops on the way home and they are unresponsive and they don't really acknowledge all the praise - that's OK!  They are probably going to feel down about not winning.  From both outcomes of competition, the next action needs to be to either "Train Harder" or "become better."  Those things have the same meaning!!  Here's an extra detail:  when you are working on setting the goal to do better or get the same result at the next tournament, teach your child how to set the goal but also talk about the steps that it will take to get that result!  Let your child do most of the talking and see if they can be creative and come up with a plan on how they can get better.  Here are some ways to improve:

• Get some private lessons - they will make you exponentially better!
• Have a strict training regimen.  At first it can just be a challenge of discipline like:  Every time we practice, we're going to go for no less than 30 minutes.  Another one can be:  we are going to train for 15 minutes every day, no matter what
• At your school, try and work with a different instructor to get a new perspective.  Some instructors have a preference to weapons, sparring, forms, sport karate/ extreme and you can get insights into those divisions sometimes by switching it up!

 The moral if this story is:  Most people in our country set goals but a statistic shows that only about 2% regularly achieve them.  Help your child SET a goal and then work on a plan and stick with it to GET their goal!  My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people.

How to get a child to listen - 2 Domination/ Avoid Domination

"Hey, you wanna do the tournament?"

"No? Why not? C'mon!"

"Ok, fine."

Many times, that's the conversation that I hear.  When I speak to a parent (or even an adult who I'm trying to motivate to compete in a tournament) they usually say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to."  Well, I completely get that!  Once a child makes up their mind (or an adult for that matter), it's hard to turn a 'no' into a 'yes.'  The trick is, don't start with a question where 'no' is an option!  If you read the last blog post, I detail the Socratic method and a little about the word No.  Check it out by going to this link: How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method.  So let's think about when your child doesn't want to get ready for school, get in the car so that you can make it to an appointment, brush his or her teeth, or eat their vegetables.  You don't say, "I sure wish he would do it, but he says he doesn't want to."  You don't, do you??  Well, I know that competing in a tournament or something that is really optional isn't the same as getting them to do something as important as that but I just want you to know that you have the power to get your children to do ANYTHING!  You can be a brute:  "You will do this tournament, no excuses, no other option."  Or you can be a diplomat by using some of the methods I'll give you! 

First of all, children constantly try to dominate or avoid domination.  Wait, not just kids, everyone.  Kids especially.  If you understand that when they say no, they're trying to avoid domination.  When they pick the game, they're trying to dominate.  Most of the time, it's fine - they pick what to play with or what veggie we're eating tonight (Corn, right?).  If you understand that, you can alter your words to reflect it!  Bugs Bunny used to call it Reverse Psychology!  Before you read any further, I want you to go to this YouTube video and I'll prove it to you!  So, you're Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck is your child.  HERE'S THE VIDEO YOU HAVE TO GO TO!

You have to be creative when you come up with your plan.  If you get a no, it'll be hard to turn it around.  My example might not work for your child because you have to use little things that will get them EXCITED!  We're going to plan our conversation around motivating and influencing our child to do something that is important and beneficial to them - even though they don't want to.  This is not intended to be used to manipulate children - so use this for good, not evil!

Start with something basic:
"When you did class last night, your techniques were awesome!  You have two stripes don't you?"
"Yeah, Dad, I got 'em"
"Nice... that's good.  I'm curious, didn't your instructor say that the only way you can go to the tournament is if you had THREE stripes on your belt?"
"I don't know, I don't remember.  I know everything I have to do to get the stripes, I just have to show my instructor."
"Yeah I'm sure you could get your stripe next time you go in.  But going to the tournament is another thing.  You'd have to do your form all by yourself, you don't get your instructor to help you."
"I could totally do my form all by myself, I don't need anybody's help!  I've been practicing my butt off!"
"Oh, so you think that you could go to a tournament and probably beat the other kids?"
"Yeah, I could definitely do that! [Dad smiles]"

You see how the child felt like the parent was going to tell him he wouldn't be able to compete (dominate him) so he had to get defensive and avoid domination?  With that, he said exactly what Dad wanted him to say.  He predicted his child's behavior and knew his interests and motives and planned out the conversation accordingly.  Some kids won't try to avoid domination, they'll just dominate, so you might have to change it around.  You can figure that out, just be creative.  In Dale Carnegie's Book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People," he says about a similar subject, "I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer."

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people. Try the this Domination/ Avoid Domination method for the upcoming tournament!

Healthy Competition :) Part 2

Life is all about choice!  At ATA Elkton, we teach about the Ladder of Success - which is something I heard later in my life, in college.  As we make good decisions, we climb the ladder of success.  For each bad decision we climb down a rung.  The good thing is that we should always learn from our mistakes.  It's kind of like a "one step backward and two steps forward" kind of deal.  When we make a good decision, it's easy to become lazy.  It's also important to learn from our successes so that they keep happening!  A tournament is an amazing way to immerse one's self in a challenge to learn.  From every win and loss, you can learn something to really make you a true champion.  The only trick is that from every win and loss, you can also make a choice to NOT learn anything.  It can go either way.  The purpose of this section is to help you teach your children a powerful lesson after each tournament, based on their age group.

Today we'll go over skills for kids aged 7-10 years old.  Just so you know, those kids are the ages where they actually begin to "compete."  They go for 1st, 2nd, or 3rd, then there is a 4th place trophy.  I call it the competitor award but many schools are giving out the 1-3 and then giving up to 13 kids a "4th place."  It goes along with the ATA's motto, "every kid is a winner."  To prepare for this, here is what I'd suggest:

If a kid gets a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place trophy, talk about how awesome they did and then maybe ask the kid how they can train over the next few weeks to continue to do this good.  We could keep telling them how when they beat those other kids, those kids became more motivated to train harder and come back next time and try and beat YOU!  Right away (like on the drive home), work with your child to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become even better by the next tournament. 

For kids that got the 4th place trophy, those kids need to understand that the 4th place trophy means something important but doesn't mean that they actually won at the tournament.  The fourth place trophy symbolizes the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of ATA kids that are too scared to compete.  The fact that they came out and did something like this - they deserve an award.  It might have seemed easy to them but even Mom and Dad would be scared to try it!  From that point (like on the drive home), work with your child to come up with creative ideas that are possible so that they become better at the next tournament.  Have them set a goal that is specific - "My goal is to get at least a 3rd place trophy at the next tournament since this trophy says 4th.  The next tournament is [PICK A DATE]." 

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people.

*Copyright Josh Hayhurst

How to get a child to listen - 1 Socratic Method

Parents want their children to do what is healthy for them and make good choices.  Some things are harder than others.  I wanted to share some fundamental techniques in dealing with people that I've learned over the years.  First of all, you have your own problems, and we have to address that fact.  When your child doesn't do what you want, many people relate it to themselves.  For example, in the beginning you say, "you have to brush your teeth so that your teeth are strong and white!"  Then after your child doesn't do it and you always have to get on them about it, you change it to, "you never do what I tell you to, you gotta brush your teeth!"  So you begin to make it about YOU and not about THEM!  To begin, we need to create the mindset of always relating the things a child must do to THEIR SELF INTEREST!

Now, we want all children to compete in the upcoming tournament!  There are so many benefits to children competing.  In the later posts, we'll publish them.  Among the many, the kids will expand socially and make new friends, understand winning and losing, and they'll also have a lot of fun.  That's just the beginning, and kids experience things different!  Today, I want to teach you the Socratic Method on getting a child to listen and do what you want them to do.  Just as a side-note, this works even better for adults! NOTE* "Socratic" stems from the base word, Socrates was a Greek philosopher changed the way people thought... he would make his students train with the wrestlers because he understood that a strong body leads to a strong mind!  Click this link to find out more about Socrates

Let's start our tournament competition conversation by getting our child to say, YES!  Don't start out with, "Do you want to compete?" Most of the time, a child won't want to compete because of they are nervous and scared.  Tournaments are big events in a new place and kids don't know what to expect.  So say something like, "You are doing pretty good in class and I can tell your instructor is impressed by your performance... doesn't that make you feel good?"  Then your child would say, "Yeah, that is pretty cool."  You could follow up with, "I would say you're one of the top students in class... it's too bad there's not a way to challenge yourself and see how good you really are..." And your child might say, "Yeah, that would be pretty cool." Then you could say, "Well you know, your instructor did mention that there's a tournament coming up, I bet that would be a good way to see how good you are.. What do you think?  Would you want to try it out?"  Use a couple questions to get your child to say YES before you drop the big question, even if you assume they're excited.  They might even come up with the idea themselves!

Here's a little note about the word NO.  Avoid them saying the word no - with kids' pride, they will stick with the no and not go back, it's like a game.  Even if they change their mind and end up feeling like they really want to do it later, they will stick with it because their pride is on the line.  In a book by Dale Carnegie, he states, "When a person says 'no' and really means it, he or she is really doing far more than saying a word of two letters.  The entire organism - glandular, nervous, muscular - gathers itself together into a condition of rejection."

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people. Try the Socratic method for the upcoming tournament!

Healthy Competition :) Part 1

Competition either gives us a stronger drive or stops us in our tracks.  Truthfully, you decide how you handle yourself after a devastating defeat or an overwhelming victory.  At ATA Elkton, we call this "Being a good winner and being a good loser."  You can check out that full blog post by visiting The Personal Achievement Academy Blog.  From every win and lose with every age group, there is a lesson to learn.  Martial Arts Tournaments are a small investment in time and money that will give children and adults the skills they need for life.  At different age groups, people have various ideas of what a tournament is all about.  Here are some tips on how to teach a kid after a tournament:

Let's begin with Tiny Tigers.  These kids are aged between 3 and 7 years old.  While all kids are different, this age group is very egocentric.  They really care about themselves and what's going on with them.  On a global level, the ATA organization's motto is that "every kid is special and every kid is a winner."  With that, every kid gets a trophy/ medal when they compete - no matter how good or bad they performed.  While they will get a small boost from one trophy, we have to make sure they are driving to get better each time they compete, not just participating for the "competitor award."  Tiny Tigers all get the same exact trophy so it's always good to "debrief" them after their ring is over.  Gretchen Zahn, mother of two tiny tigers and counselor at a local Elementary school offers some advice, "When a child finishes their tournament, you have to talk about why they got their trophy.  They only care about getting a trophy so you have to talk about what it was for.  After that, talk about another way they can get a trophy like, 'wouldn't you like to get one for the highest kicks next time?  Let's work on having higher kicks and try to get that trophy next time!'  This is ensure that they are constantly improving and inspired to compete next time."  It's important to address their instinctual desires while also focusing on the future with kids that age.  Show your leadership with children - take that as advice for your Tiny Tiger and help them become a stronger person!

My passion for the character development in children inspires me to give you this call to action:  Take a stand for the important people in your life that train in martial arts - get them to commit to competing in a tournament to make them better martial artists and stronger people.

School Talk at Thomson Estates

A few weeks ago ATA instructors went to Thomson Estates elementary and hosted a special class for the whole school.  It was all the kids that have had good behavior all year from the school, split into 3 groups.  This was something new because I've never taught classes of 150 students before, but it was really cool.  I learned a couple things about engaging a crowd and that the excitement of a class is amplified when the "Yes Sir!" can be heard echoing through the entire school.  We took a few pictures, but it was tough to take them at the same time we were teaching.  Check out our Facebook picture album by going to THIS PAGE. 

We taught a really cool course called the ABC Concentration course.  First, we warm the kids up with some plyometric drills to make them fast and strong.  Then we talk about having a good attitude and always trying their best.  After that, we use martial arts to teach Belief- how the most important person to believe in is yourself!  Then, I taught them the 3 levels of master focus and give teachers a tool to use when the kids are having trouble focusing.

Thanks Thomson Estates and their guidance counselor, Gretchen Zahn, for inviting us.  The staff at the school, including the principal shows how dedicated they are to the future of our community every day in their action.  I've never met a crew with so much passion!